Valentine’s Day 2026: America’s Kinkiest States Get a Cheeky Spanking
As the day of love and surrender approaches we look back to last year at our American cousins and what they got up to online. Thanks to Pornhub’s latest data drop, it’s clear the States aren’t messing with soggy roses or limp cards this year; it’s a full-on kink fest. For us posh Mayfair lot sipping champagne in velvet robes, we’re lifting the satin veil on America’s naughtiest states. “Master,” “Dominate,” “sub”—these aren’t just words; they’re a lifestyle. And Indiana's “queef” obsession? That puts blowing a valentines kiss in a whole new light.
Pornhub’s Naughty Numbers: The Map Unpacked
Pornhub’s Valentine’s Day 2025 Insights map is a riot of colour and kink, showing each state’s top relative search term compared to the national average. With 17 states hiding behind age-verification walls, we’ve got 33 left to roast (or spit-roast). From Oregon’s “bdsm” to Louisiana’s “flogging,” it’s a smorgasbord of sin begging for a laugh and a raised eyebrow. Let’s dive into the top five BDSM states, with a side of psychology and a proper American-style roast.
Top 5 Kinkiest States: BDSM Edition
Here’s the top five, from Pornhub’s data matching top searching with state stereotypes and suggesting what Marquis de Mayfair product might help these guys out!
| Rank | State | Top Search | Cheeky Quip | Psudo Psych Insight | Marquis de Mayfair Product |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oregon | BDSM | Oregon’s out here searching “bdsm” like it’s a new IPA flavour. These bearded lumberjacks are trading flannel for leather and microbrews for micro-whips. Sustainable kink, bro! | That Pacific Northwest independence loves the control and consent of BDSM. It’s rebellion with a safe word, perfect for Portland’s quirky soul. | Deluxe Bed Restraint Set |
| 2 | Louisiana | Flogging | Louisiana’s bringing the heat with “flogging.” Between the gumbo and the whips, these Cajuns like it spicy—and not just at Mardi Gras. Forget beads; they’re tossing paddles! | Err, do we really want to bring up Louisiana's past history of flogging, probably not, but it seems some demons are lurking in the shadows. | Leather Flogger |
| 3 | Connecticut | Dominate | Connecticut’s elite are searching “dominate” like they’re auditioning to run your life *and* your bedroom. Hedge fund by day, handcuffs by night—total power trip! | Old money and status breed a need for control. Dominance is just another boardroom tactic for these prep-school grads. | What could be better for a well paid dom than a Luxury Collar to give. |
| 4 | Delaware | Sub | Delaware’s tiny arse is like, “Please, someone notice me—take charge!” They’re begging for a Dom like they’re begging for relevance. Small state, big submission fantasies! | Being overlooked breeds a craving for attention. Submission’s their way of saying, “See me, control me—I exist!” | How about the unique Open Mouth Gag for crying our for attention. |
| 5 | Washington | Spanking | Washington’s rainy vibes have them searching “spanking” to warm up those soggy butts. Nothing says romance like a wet day and a red cheek—Seattle’s brewing something naughty! | Perhaps they are wishing Christian Grey would fly over in his chopper and rotate some billionaire slaps on their behind. | Only the Black Label Paddle is befitting a billionaire spank! |
Honourable Mentions: States That Raised Our Eyebrows
The top five are just the tip of the whip. Here’s a quick romp through other states where searches defy expectations with a saucy twist:
- Indiana: “queef” – These nice friendly folk obviously won't blow a raspberry at you in disgust, they would rather conceal how they do it!
- Vermont: “Pee” – Rather than Granola hippies worshipping golden sunrises, it’s more eco-kink under golden showers. ☔️
- Massachusetts: “Mutual Orgasm” – Boston’s brainiacs are not know for sharing their Ivy League privileges but perhaps that conceals a desire to share?
- D.C.: “Sub” – So the Washington power politicians with their big egos all conceal a real desire to get down to serve. Wow... political leaders who actually serve, now that would be a valentines gift!
- Alaska: "Enema" - Is there something in the air or is it a desire to "drill baby drill"?
Lonely Hearts from Across the Pond
From Oregon’s BDSM dreams to Michigans Hairy Bushes and Colorado's peggers, America’s Valentine’s Day 2025 porn searches gives us a glimpse into a topsy turvy subversion of the state stereotypes. Pornhub’s map shows a nation of lonely hearts searching to get freaky in their own way.
Whatever kinky desires your are searching for, we hope that Marquis de Mayfair can help you and our American friends find the luxury you all deserve.